Kardashianed...

  
 It all started out so innocently. Socialite acquaintances of mine, Tareq & Michaela Salahi, set me up on a blind date with one of the Kardashian sisters. Normally, I am happy with meeting women through Craigslist transactions but this sounded interesting and a credit card number wasn’t asked for, in advance.

     I was on my way to pick up my prize for the evening, a Kardashian, driving my late model Camry through the Back Bay. Suddenly, I was surrounded by what appeared to be Somali pirates- carjacked on Commonwealth!!?? My genetically superior Bostonian driving skills instinctively reacted as I pinned my Toyota’s accelerator to the floor narrowly escaping the grasp of Abdu and his mates. My V6 Camry reacted like a champ and accelerated violently, hurtling down

Comm. Ave.

while resembling a North Korean missile display. But, but, but my Toyota wouldn’t slow down and as I sped through Boston and as the g-forces increased I lost consciousness…

     I awoke in a pool of sweat and spilled Pabst Blue Ribbon while tightly grasping my pillow like a discharged air bag. Thankful that it was just a bad dream yet still feeling like I was recovering from a minor tasering accident.

     These New England winters are too damn long. Thankfully, February is only 28 days